The Great Flood, Volume III Thursday, May 7, 2009

One evening, at a causal BBQ with some family and friends (not the kind of BBQ where you would usually meet someone you were interested in), I saw what looked like a mirage peeking over the fruit salad.
His name was Jay (not really, but you know the drill) and I couldn’t tell if he was extremely attractive or if I just hadn’t come across any decent looking men the past few months.  There was a drought going on, you know.
We ran into each other a few times after that, and as I soon found out from a few inside sources, he was interested too.  So, I’m sure you all know what happened next—oh yes, that’s right, I Facebook friend-ed him.

(Logo from Wikipedia)

That’s the first step in every relationship now-a-days, right? 
After exchanging a few flirty messages and a handful of witty wall-posts, the number exchange occurred. 
A few days later, I received The Call.  You know, the first call—the one that is a little bit awkward—in a good, new way that is—that includes talking over each other and what my friends like to call my use of “the phone voice” (a sweet, accommodating tone that only seems to make an appearance on professional phone calls, ones that occur after 2 a.m. and in instances like this). 
He asked me out for a drink and of course, I accepted.  I have to say, I was a little relieved.  I was beginning to think I was in a Facebook relationship.
In true guy fashion however, he kept an “out”, telling me he had planned to meet up with one of his friends from high school that was in town for the weekend after we went out.  This would make it easy to make a quick get-away if things didn’t go so well.  I went along with it, and in nice-girl fashion made him think I didn’t know his secret plan. 
After a few drinks, I slyly asked him if he needed to leave to go meet up with is “friend”.  He quickly assured me that he was fine and that they would just meet for breakfast in the morning.  Yeah, that’s right, I speak “guy”.
Overall, what could have been an awkward first date was a good one.  We hung out occasionally over the next few weeks and of course, kept it real on Facebook, too. 
But then, one hot August afternoon before Jay was headed out for a family vacation, the truth came out.  Instead of the usual short, flirty Facebook message, my inbox was inundated with a novel that went something like this:
“I have been meaning to talk to you about this for some time now, but have not gotten around to it…” 
**Translation:  I have been avoiding talking to you about this and now am in a position where I have to talk to you about this because otherwise you might find out on your own.
“I am really glad I met you and have enjoyed the time we have spent together the last few weeks…”
**Translation:  I am about to say something uncomfortable, so I feel like I should give you a compliment first.
“I started casually dating a girl before I met you.  It is a long distance thing, and I am not good with the long distance thing, so I am trying to figure out what to do…”
**Translation:  I have a girlfriend but I like you and I don’t know what to do about it so I am going to make something up to make it sound like I am confused. 
“I don’t want to go into details, but just know I think you are great and deserve someone great too…”
**Translation:  I don’t want to talk about it because it is uncomfortable for me, but I am going to give you another compliment in an effort to look like a better guy. 
CLASSIC. 
I quickly responded, wishing him safe travels, and didn’t acknowledge much else about the essay I had received. 
Not 24 hours after he had returned from his “family vacation”, the Facebook news feed (best invention ever) informed me that Jay had been tagged in a few pictures.  I followed the link to his page and saw pictures of Jay and the girl he was “casually dating long distance” along with him on his family vacation.  Shocker…after a Facebook message like that, who would expect anything less? 
We hung out a few more times but ended up just being friends, which is what we should have aimed for in the first place.  I mean, he did have a girlfriend!